You know, I look at my title and I am wondering how that all fits in to my current life. I wonder if I am making a transformation for the positive or the negative… Well a few things that have been happening in my life lately have been my companies have been going really well, I have been dating on and off, I read the bible, pray with my daughter nightly, but at the same time I haven’t been going to church… which, yes, I feel that as long as I am getting together with people and “living” church, then there is not a lot of need to do the organized church, sit down and listen to the sermon and be done.
There are several people in my life that I, not as much as I should, sit down with and spend time in community in church with. But I have missed the organized part of it some times. I miss the musical worship, communion, serving with other people… the larger group connection too… But in a lot of respects I wonder if there is a place that I feel at home here. I have been to several, some lack structure, some are too structured, some are way to old… It is hard to find something I can engage with and be passionate with.
So I ask myself, if I am being consumeristic? Possibly… But then too, if you are not doing something out of your heart and out of obligation is it Worship? Is it really showing God something?
I am really praying that I can find a connection to a church that I can engage with, that I can serve, that I can feelat least partially at home…
I believe that yes, I am being transformed in many many ways, I think that many I am moving in a good direction, and I am in no ways who I was two years ago. I am finding that things are not black and white.. wow what a hard thing to accept. lol.